I have realised the value of cricket in my life, says Dhiman

Bengaluru, September 4: "I want to play cricket. Without cricket I feel like a complete waste." It is a sentence Gaurav Dhiman often repeats during our nearly two-hour long conversation. Yet, it is a sentence that you don't want to hear from a cricketer who has represented India in two Under-19 World Cups (2004, 2006) and played for Karnataka till the state level.

In the 2006 U-19 WC, he played along with Rohit Sharma, Ravindra Jadeja and Cheteswar Pujara and emerged the second highest run-getter.

He had Indian Premier League contracts with Mumbai Indians and Royal Challengers Bangalore when he was around 23 - a hard-hitting batsman and more than handy medium pacer. But then he vanished from the circuit in 2014 after a Karnataka Premier League game for Bellary Tuskers.

"I didn't want to face up to people. I wanted to move away from everyone at that phase," Dhiman told mykhel.com.

"But now, I have realised the value of cricket in my life. I just want to step on to the field and play. Whenever I travelled near the Chinnaswamy stadium, I felt that it is my place and what am I doing outside of it. Now, I am involved in family business with dad (former national hockey player Sunil Dhiman), but it isn't my field."

Then what drove him away from the cricket field? The answer had multiple layers - injury, depression, anger, alcohol, a failed relationship, bad company, an impending surgery and an assertion of his determination to return to the field.

"It all started with a knee injury during a practice session involving football in 2009. B Akhil (former Karnataka all-rounder) had a similar injury and he got back to playing cricket within a couple of weeks after treatment. I decided against surgery and tried several other ways, including acue pressure, to manage the injury - basically a ligament tear. But I should have got the surgery done then," he says.

"I often played with a swollen knee. I could hardly move, especially sideways. It hurt badly. I became a liability on the field, getting positioned at square leg or third man almost always. Gradually, my bowling too got affected and I became just a one trick pony - just batting. It was not a good scenario," he rues.

Dhiman slowly began to fade. Along with it came a host of frustrations. The Delhi-born cricketer became an introvert.

"When you are down and depressed, there will be several people to exploit you. In that mental state, I also could not realise it. There were days when I spent hours ruing the lost chances - with a bottle and in the wrong company. That was also the time the break-up happened in my life, adding to the personal agony."

"In fact, I had donated all my cricketing jersey - U-14, U-16, U-19 - because thinking about cricket and the playing days bruised me," he says.

His looks began to become increasingly forlorn. Perhaps, for a moment he was stepping back. "You know, my family thought of admitting me to a rehab centre. Come on, let's talk something more positive."
Family. Dhiman's biggest source of courage. "When I looked in the mirror, I was a complete mess. But deep in my mind, I know I was not lost completely. It helped me because my father is a sportsperson."

All of a sudden Dhiman began to smile - rather sheepishly. "You know, my family wanted me to get married at that stage. Even Karthik Jeshwanth sir (former Karntaka player and coach) told me to get married. I was laughing at them - marriage and at this state. But as it happened my dad found a girl for me during a metro ride in New Delhi, quite accidentally. You call that fate and, perhaps, that was my liberating moment."

His wife Gunjan now runs a boutique in Jayanagar, an upscale area in Bengaluru.
"There were days when I showed my frustration on her. Sometimes, I left home without talking to anyone. But she understood what I was going through. She just told me to get off drinking. I have not consumed a drop after March 1 this year. She told me about the significance of surgery and trying to make a comeback," he says.

Now, he is looking forward to the knee surgery at Safdarjung Hospital, New Delhi, on September 27, under Dr Himanshu Kataria.
"I can't say life or fate were cruel to me. I had done mistakes. But the time away cricket also showed me who are my real friends."
Dhiman was a bit cheeky here, if you would. "I asked a person that I am in need of Rs 10,000. He told me: 'I became your friend because you were a cricketer. Now, you are not. So...' I told him: 'Thanks for your honesty. Never call me again. See, I don't need sympathy."

But Dhiman is going to make a few calls soon. "I will call some of my contemporaries from whom I had walked away. Great thing about them is that there is no ego and we are all happy for each other."
Perhaps, it is going to be just like olden days for Dhiman.